The Crush Part II – a story of Estonia and love

Tartu, Estonia

In The Crush Part I, we pick up the story of my return to Estonia as we meet all of my Estonian friends once again – Ilmar, Meelika, Pete, Dema, Helena, and of course, Lisa.

In Part II, I connect with Lisa for the first time.  It didn’t go as I planned.

The Crush Part II

The Bistro was always one of my favorite places to eat when I was here.  You could always eat a great meal for about three dollars and good food at that.  The food here in Estonia is much like that back home but with a little of their own unique flavor and style.  Sandwhiches, pizza, chicken, bread, and vegetables – all prepared in their own way.  However, Estonia has its own unique foods as well.

Two foods that I really liked were the lamb and seljanka, a special tomato based soup with vegetables and something I had at almost every meal.  So it was again as Lisa and I sat down to eat.  With the way everything had gone since I had arrived, seljanka was the only thing from Estonia that still seemed the same.  In my head, I am still in shock but nonetheless happy over the events that had led me here with Lisa.

“So what brings you back to Estonia?  It’s been a while since you’ve been here.”

“I have wanted to come back for a while.  I have wanted to see the country again and catch up with Pete and the rest of you guys.”

Now Pete was the reason we came here the first time.  Pete works with a group here in Estonia working with students trying to minister to them.  He has a team in both Tallinn and Tartu in which he meets with students and works with the colleges in those areas.  It was July 1995 that our group first got the chance to help him out and talk to some people in the streets.  Of course, that required the use of translators.

Even though some of the people could speak English, that is how I got to know Maria, Meelika, Helena, Dema, Ilmar, and Lisa.  For me, I enjoy the country and the people so much, I decided to come back again in May of 1996.  Both of those trips were so rewarding and exciting as I made some great friends and fell in love with the country – and Lisa.  After not being back since May 1996, I somehow made it back to this wonderful country again.

“I’ve been so busy with school.  You know that I am studying to go to law school so you can imagine how much time I have spent in the books.  Of course, Greenleaf keeps me busy but we have had a lot of success and popularity over much of Estonia” said an exhausted and tired Lisa.  I remembered hearing their bank Greenleaf and hearing her sing.  She definitely had a voice to go along with beauty and brains.

“Lisa, you have one of the most beautiful voices I’ve heard.  I still remember when you guys played when we were here the first time.  On my birthday this past year, I watched our Estonian video tape from our trip and just fell in love with your voice all over again.”

Of course, her voice was not the only thing I was in love with but it seemed like a good compliment to start things off after not seeing each other for so long.  We talked for about an hour recounting our stories of the past, what’s been going on in our lives during the last couple of years, and just getting to know each other better – something we had little time for in the past.

This fiery, sarcastic, intellectual beauty showed me her funny, genuine, and sensitive side opening my eyes to a side of Lisa I had never known before.  Our time quickly flew by as my nerves calmed, my excitement turned to joy, and my heart grew fonder of the this Estonian woman I had always had a crush on.  Our conversation began to wind down as we finished eating.  Greenleaf had another practice this afternoon and Lisa had to head off and study beforehand.  We quickly headed out the door back to Pete’s where I was staying.

“I had so much fun with you today.  We’ve never gotten to talk before and I got to see a different side of you.  Do you want to get together tonight after your practice?  I’m going to hang out with Pete and Dema this afternoon so do you want to come by later?”

“Huh….what?  Oh yeah, sorry.  Sure whatever.”  Our band has really got me excited and we may have some big things happening.  I’ll try and stop by afterwards and maybe we can get something to eat.  Not sure if our time together was ‘fun’ but it was good seeing you.  I’ve got something to tell you later but I have got to go now.”

“Have fun studying!”

“Oh yeah, I am jumping for joy and can’t wait to hit the books!”

Despite our afternoon together, seems the old sarcastic Lisa came back.  Seemed like she never even heard anything I said to her.  With her sarcastic comments about studying, I wasn’t quite sure whether or not her comment about our afternoon not being “fun” was said in sarcasm or with sincerity.  After a good day, or at least it was to me, this didn’t seem like the best ending to our time together.  Her comments over our “fun” and thinking about what she had to tell me wreaked havoc with my emotions the rest of the day.

Although the rest of my day with Pete and Dema went well, most of my focus was spent worrying about whether Lisa would show up and what in the world it was that she had to tell me.  Probably had something to do with some news about the band or maybe even that she wasn’t going to be able to spend more time with me or that she was dating someone or…I don’t know.  Whatever it was, I didn’t think it was good.  After all, Lisa saying anything nice to me or telling me something I was excited to hear was rare.

Maybe our “fun” time this afternoon was just a great opportunity for her to share her burdens and all that was going on.  With her being so busy, she just needed someone to talk to.  As far as I know, Lisa could have had just about anyone there to talk to and it wouldn’t have mattered if it was me.  She just needed someone to listen.  Was the sarcasm just the old Lisa coming back?  Did she even hear what I was doing today or even hear me ask her to stop by later?

Maybe the time has come to just forget about her and my crush and just enjoy the rest of my time here with all my other friends.  After all, I remember how much I enjoyed this country and how much fun I can have here.  I guess the emotions of the day were just putting all sorts of thoughts into my head.  Time to move on.

(To be continued….)

Check out how Estonia impacted me and listen to me share my story on the Rick Steves radio show about Estonia.

Tartu, Estonia photo (jarsjo)