The Crush Part III – a story of Estonia and love

Tartu, Estonia

Continuing the series from The Crush Part I and Part II, we meet up with the Estonian group again.  And things take a big turn with Lisa as the unexpected happens.

The Crush Part III

Pete, Dema, and I spent the rest of the day just hanging out, grabbing a bite to eat, catching up, and just walking around Tartu.  I tried to enjoy my day and put any thoughts of Lisa and any hopes of her coming by behind me.  After eating at another of my favorite restaurants, Ruutli, we headed back to Pete’s.

After settling down, I finally got a chance to sit down and talk with Pete.  Pete told me how he decided to stay in Estonia for a few more years and how the rest of the year went with my friend Eric here and the rest of the teams.  Things had gone well and the team was excited about relationships they had built with guys like Alexander.

As Pete reminisced about the last couple of years, I couldn’t help but think back to a when I was here.  During my first visit, I truly fell in love with the country and the people.  I spent a lot of time with Ilmar trying to learn some words and get a grasp on the language.  I would spend some free time and the hours we had on the bus learning numbers, words, and phrases practicing my Estonian with Pete as he was learning the language as well.  My friend Eric showed the same enthusiasm and love for the country I did.

One evening, Pete sat Eric and I down and talked about how he had watched us and how we had so much passion and excitement and just loved it here.  He offered both of us the opportunity to work with him the next year in Estonia.  A few months after our trip, Pete came to see us again.  With school and everything else I had going on, I told Pete I couldn’t go.  However, Eric spent the next year working with Pete in Estonia.

As Pete was sharing about his year, I thought about the opportunity I could have had to be here and how I could have been a part of all these stories.  However, so much had happened in my life over the last year.  Things changed forever right after I left Estonia.  I too had so much to share with Pete, Dema, and the others but being back here only brought back a wave of emotions.

As Dema began to share about his first year at school, there was a knock at the door.  Lisa?!  My heart was racing as my excitement and anticipation grew.  I was only hoping that I was wrong about Lisa.  I only hoped I had exaggerated all that was said and that she had really decided to come back and was excited to see me and talk to me again.

“Tere!  Tere!”

At the sound of the voice, I turned to see Maria, Meelika, Ilmar, and Helena walk in the door.  My heart sank.  I knew if Helena was here Greenleaf had to be finished with their practice.  To me that could only mean one thing – Lisa wasn’t coming.  Despite my disappointment, I put a smile on my face and greeted all my friends who had just come in.  I was a little upset that my feelings for Lisa and my disappointment in her not showing affected my attitude towards my friends who had come to see me.  So I put Lisa out of my mind and tried to enjoy my time with my friends.

“Tere, Tere!  It’s good to see you guys again,” I said with now genuine excitement.

We all grabbed a snack and some drink as everyone filed in.  Small talk, laughter, and loud conversations filled the room as we settled in like old friends once again.  After things settled down, each person began to share some things on their heart and about what had been going on in their lives.  As I sat there listening to others talk, I wondered if this was the time to talk about all the big events in my life that had happened since I had last left Estonia.  While I was eager to share, I was too nervous to open up yet.  So I sat there and listened figuring I would wait a little longer before opening up.

“Jeremy?”

“LISA!!  When did you get here?”

“I walked in while everyone was talking.  I went home and changed after practice and then I came over.  Do you mind if we go upstairs and talk?  I wanted to share something with you.”

“Sure, no problem, “ I said as we made our way upstairs.

Here I was now thinking the worst.  She didn’t want to see me or be around me.  The band had gotten a big deal (not that that was bad).  She wanted to tell me about her boyfriend.  At that moment, my mind and heart began racing and I wish I hadn’t come back here, seen her, or met her.  Maybe she was telling me she was getting married or – I don’t know.  Whatever it is, why was she telling me?  Needless to say the words that followed left me speechless, motionless, and frozen in silence.

“Jeremy – this is hard for me to say.  I know that I have been very sarcastic and bitter towards you and treated you badly at times.  Seems I never listened to you when you were talking or even acknowledged a compliment from you.  I’ve regretted my actions and I thought I would never be able to say I’m sorry.

But when you came back here, I knew I had a second chance to tell you how sorry I am and how I regretted the way I have acted.  But there’s more to it than that.  There was always a reason why I acted the way I did.  I never knew how to deal with my feelings and tell you, well, you see – I think I love you.”

Before those words had even settled, she leaned forward and kissed me.  I am not sure how good it was or what is was like.  My whole body was in shock including my lips.  I was happy, excited, scared, and nervous.  What was I to say to her?  Where do I go from here?  Do I tell her about me?  How do I react?  Should I react?  My mind was racing and a thousand thoughts were going through my head. With no one thought making any more sense than another.  So I told her – but not everything.

“Lisa, I have had a crush on you since I first laid eyes on you.  You are beautiful and smart.  When I first heard that voice of yours, I knew then how much I liked you.  I always wanted to get to know you better and today I got to see a side of you that I never knew.  I only fell in love with you more.  It’s hard for me to believe you have felt the same towards me. But-“  She cut me off.

“I just want to spend these next few days with you before you leave.  If you are as wonderful as I truly think you are, I really believe I could fall in love with you.”

I went to bed that night hadly being able to believe everything that had happened in just my first day back here.  In the midst of all the excitement, seeing my friends, and the emotions with Lisa, I never even told anyone about my experiences and all that had happened to me since I left Estonia.  I knew I had to talk to someone about Lisa and how I may be falling for her.

Lisa stole my heart the first time I was here and now she was in love with me.  I want to spend the next few days with her and just see what happens.  But yet I don’t know where to go from there!  What am I thinking?!  With all that had happened, I didn’t know what to do with all the emotions and thoughts going on inside of me.

“Goodnight, Jeremy.”

“Pete, can I talk to you?  With all that has been going on I never got to share with any of you what has happened to me since I last left Estonia.”

“Sure.  But mind me asking what you and Lisa were talking about?”

“Have a seat, Pete.”

As I shared with Pete, I started with what the events that happened when I left Estonia the first time.  I led him through the events of that year, my Christmas break, the following summer, and the dramatic, evenful year that followed.  I spoke of everything leading up to my arrival here.  I then told him about Lisa and the events at the Bistro.

I confessed to him the crush I’ve always had on her.  Then I told him about our conversation this evening and how Lisa felt the same about me.  I talked of how she finally opened up to me and showed me the side of her I had always wanted to see and how wonderful our afternoon had been.  Then I talked about how things ended before she went to study only to come back last night, tell me she was sorry for the things she said and how she had acted, and then confessed her love for me.  Even after sharing these events and the times with Lisa, I felt relieved I had shared.  But none of this cleared up anything for me.

“Man, what a year!  I never knew all this other stuff, all that happened, and this stuff with Lisa.  I definitely didn’t know she felt that way about you.  I don’t know what to tell you but just to be honest with yourself and your feelings.  Only you know what you should do and I know you will make the right decision.”

“Thanks for listening, Pete.  I am going to think things over and get some sleep.  I’ve got to meet Lisa in the morning for our day together.”

My emotions, my thoughts, this hectic day, seeing old friends, seeing one relationship transform from friendship to something more, and this long day of travel put me fast to sleep.  Lying in bed, I couldn’t stay awake.  Leaving tomorrow for another day and my adventures in Estonia.

Tartu, Estonia photo (jarsjo)